Monday, December 9, 2013

Major Bits

I don't even know when's the last time I sat in front of my laptop and had a proper time to write in this blog.

Oh right. It was last June and my latest post didn't even make any sense since that post was a 100% of my constant rambling about everything.

I actually was thinking to write something big. Like dropping the bomb here on something big that I've been doing these few months where I was hiatus from this blog life, but too bad I don't have anything big or exciting to share.

But anyway, I'm still going to share a little bit--some interesting bits--about the things that happened in these months.

First of all, it's December already which means the new year is coming in a few weeks. And I can't help but feel excited for 2014. I have to admit that so many things have happened in 2013. I've shared so many laughs with my friends and family and tears over something stupid and pointless this year. I've experienced some good things (like winning a competition with my two friends, achieving the highest PTESOL score at school) and bad things (like heartbreak, unrequited love, and going through a rough patch with some people) which I'm grateful for. I know it seems weird that I still feel grateful over the bad things that happened to me, but come think of it. If it didn't happen, maybe I wouldn't be the way I am right now. Yes those things had successfully made me break to lowest point and suffer through a hard time, but in the end, it only made me stronger.

God. I probably sound really stupid right now.

Okay now let's move on.

Second, I'm still all shaken up by the realization of one of my favorite bands, Jonas Brothers, breaking up. I admit that at first I didn't take the news very well. I was so sad, upset, confused and also furious. Why? Because even after being their fan for six years, I still haven't seen them performing live. All because I'm living in a goddamn Narnia. Yup.

Third, I'm so happy and all joyful because I've been listening to great music these past few months. God, I'm so thankful that my ears are still in function. I'm so addicted to Ariana Grande, Yours Truly album. Her voice is killer and her songs are the definition of perfection. Oh and Kodaline, In a Perfect World album. I got to thank my big brother for making me to listen to this album.

And don't even make me start talking about One Direction, Midnight Memories album. It's clear that they've grown so much and their songs have gone maturer in this album. Yes it's still pop kind of songs, but it's not the bubblegum-boyband-pop songs kind of type. Their second single Story of My Life is one of the proofs about how their music style has gone maturer and edgier.

By the way before I write any further, I just want to let you know that there's actually still a lot of things I want to write, but it's impossible since I don't really like long post and it's not like someone reading this anyway. I don't want to bore you all with my suck writing and terrible English grammar.

And the last is.... that I'm going to face Ujian Akhir Nasional (UAN) and graduate from high school in a few months. I don't realize how fast the time has flown by. It's like I just stepped my feet at high school for the first time yesterday. But actually it's not. It was two and a half years ago.

Man, I even had chills in my bones just thinking about it.

Until now, I still haven't set my plans on stone about the major I'm going to take in university. Since med school and French literature are already out of the topic, now my main plans are English literature or Communication. I chose English lit because I've always liked English lit and reading books for countless time until my brain can't take it anymore and don't forget that writing was, is, will and has always been my passion, especially writing in English just like what I'm doing at the moment. So I just thought that it'd be nice if I get to dwell in the literature and read books that I've never heard before and pour my thoughts on a piece of paper about some books. Plus, I'm so curious about and have been wanting to learn about Shakespeare's writings.

And about Communication. Actually I still haven't had a deep thought about it. But I know that my other plan is to be a journalist. I thought that it'd be thrilling and exciting to work in a newspaper or magazine as a journalist. And that's it. Clearly I still need to do some research about this one.

And I think that's just it. Like I said before, I don't want to bore you with this crap. So yeah.

Oh and if you happen to have a free time or you're just plain bored, please, pretty please take a look at my Wattpad account (click here) and check out my One Direction fan fiction that I update every time I have free time (which is on weekend mostly) called 480 Hours. It will mean a lot to me if any of you read it and leave a comment just so I know what you think about it.

And please don't even ask me why the hell I write a One Direction fan fiction. Because clearly that I spent way too much time on Wattpad just reading some One Direction fan fictions.

Okay now I'm going to cut it.

Thank you so much for all of you who have spared time to read this pointless post. I wish you all the best on whatever you're doing or planning for the future. I don't know when I can write in here again but I hope it's soon. See you later!

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Umm... Untitled?


I just wanna congratulate myself for reaching the age of 17. Yeay. From now on, I shouldn't be considered as kid anymore :) 

Tapi... as usual mungkin kedatangan gue di blog ini cuman sebagai pelampiasan doang. More like a place for me to just write my thoughts and let out my anger because I'm too coward to say it on real world. These days, kadang gue berpikir bahwa diri gue adalah a coward. Why? Karena gue sadar... ugh baru sadar tepatnya... kalo gue ngga berani untuk mengungkapkan apa yang sebenernya gue mau, butuh, dan/atau rasain. I'm not brave enough to say it directly so that makes me a coward.

Memang gue punya alasan tertentu untuk tidak melakukan hal itu, but it's a good reason. I just don't want to end up hurting other people's heart and all the things that come along with it.

Coward as in... Pengecut kalo di bahasa Indonesia. Entah kenapa, kalo di translate, kata itu jadi berasa lebih  jahat dan parah dari keliatannya. Well, maybe it's just me but I don't know.... *sighs*

Sebenarnya, masih ngga tau apa yang harus ditulis disini. Pikiran ini rasanya terlalu semrawut sampa ngga tau harus gimana lagi. Kadang gue pengen rasanya hidup tenang sehari with no phone, no call, no text, no distraction dari dunia luar. Tapi semua itu ngga mungkin gue lakukan tanpa membuat orang bingung atau malah lebih parahnya membuat orang sampe ada yang sakit hati. I know one person that might feel that way but maybe that person just won't admit it or maybe it's just me who only think that way or maybe I just don't know...

"Jahat ga, sih, kalo aku ngilang sehari dengan hp mati?  Hmm ngga sehari sih, pengennya selama liburan, which is 3 weeks hehehe" adalah kalimat yang belakangan ini sering gue ucapin ke temen-temen perempuan gue di kelas. 

Pernah ngga sih, ngerasa butuh break dari semuanya? Dari semua orang? Mostly because sometimes you're just tired of going through another day full of bullshit. Inilah yang sekarang lagi gue rasain. Pengennnnn banget liburan selama 3 minggu tuh bener-bener full refreshing sama keluarga without any distractions from 'outside world' (like I said before, no text, no phone call, no BBM, no FB, no Twitter, just plain nothing). 

Liburan yang benar-benar terasa liburan karena hp kita dalam keadaan OFF. Liburan yang benar-benar istirahat, mengistirahatkan badan dan pikiran. Liburan yang bisa membuat kita benar-benar merasa bebas. I want that. No. I need it. 

Tapi, seperti yang sudah gue katakan sebelumnya, gue terlalu coward. Terlalu pengecut untuk ngelakuin semua hal yang gue butuhkan ini. Terlalu pengecut karena takut 'ngga enak' sama orang lain. Terlalu pengecut karena terlalu banyak mengkhawatirkan hal-hal yang sebenernya ngga perlu. Terlalu pengecut karena takut bakal missing out on everything. Terlalu pengecut karena takut bakal dicap 'selfish' oleh orang lain.

Ada beberapa hal yang gue ga suka dari diri gue sendiri dan entah kenapa sampai sekarang I still can't get rid of it, salah satunya adalah... I worry too much about everything and I care too much about what people might think of me and I also think too much about every little thing that happens around me. I just... sometimes I don't even understand myself.

Oh and I miss being alone too. Consider myself as a loner but I don't really care. I know I'm a loner too sometimes but I can't do something about it. There's just something about being alone that can comfort me. Oh well...

Mungkin... Mungkin cuman ini yang bisa gue tulis sekarang. Mungkin cuman ini yang kepikiran untuk ditulis sekarang. Mungkin kalo nanti ada hal yang bener-bener ngeganjel, I'll write here again. 

Untuk semua yang baca ini, sekali lagi terima kasih karena masih mampu menyediakan waktu untuk ngebaca postingan yang sebenarnya pointless ini. And, hope you enjoy summer which will come in just a matter of weeks. Cheerio! 

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Renungan Sabtu Malam #goshplease


Gue akui dengan sepenuh hati bahwa blog ini ga terlalu keurus lagi sama gue hahaha.

Entah kapan terakhir gue nulis disini. Last post yang dipost beberapa bulan itu aja isinya cuman foto-foto di Jogja with my class mates last January. My God, entah gue yang terlalu males atau sibuk atau sok sibuk but really, I don't have much time to relax this semester. Tugas kelompok sana-sini, latihan padus sampe sore, dan berbagai macam hal lainnya yang sukses membuat gue uring-uringan ga jelas selama satu semester ini.

But put all the stressful work aside for a little while, hari ini alhamdulillah masih ada waktu buat duduk depan laptop dengan cukup santai dan menulis di blog ini lagi. Well, walaupun ga terlalu santai-santai bgt karena sudah ditunggu oleh buku sejarah dan b.inggris yang minta dirangkum karena bentar lagi ada ulangan -_- God...

Intinya, hari ini cuman mau memberi diri sendiri a little bit reality check aja sih. Gue merasa kurang puas dengan beberapa keputusan yang gue ambil beberapa bulan ini dan... like what I've done these months isn't good enough. Percuma juga sih kalo berharap I could turn back the time and change my decision and vice versa karena semua itu jelas-jelas ga mungkin. So, sekarang gue hanya bisa menjalani setiap harinya dan berdoa bakal ada jalan yang pas dan benar supaya gue bisa memperbaiki hal yang telah gue lakukan dulu gimana pun itu caranya.

Kadang gue diem di kamar sendirian dan took a little time buat merenung sebentar. And that's when all the things I have pushed to the back of mind comes back to the surface again and I feel guilty and sad all over again.

I miss everyone back home. I miss my big family and all my friends back in Jakarta. Mostly Amira. Gosh, I miss you so much it hurt, Mir. Our friendship of 11 years means a lot to me. Tho we don't live in the same city anymore, we still manage to keep our friendship going :') Cheers! :') And I miss everything I used to have back when I still lived in my hometown. I miss hanging out with my family every weekend. I miss going out with the cousins on holiday. I miss talking and laughing like lunatics about nonsense thing with them. I miss it so damn much :'(

Now here we are, years later, all grown up and even some of us are already married and having kids. It shocked me how time goes by so fast. Kadang gue suka berpikir "hah? Tahun ini ada yang mau dilamar lagi? Kok cepet banget?" dan gue hanya bisa bengong bentar ngebayanginnya.

Bahkan beberapa hari lagi gue bakal ulang tahun yang ke-17 dan October nanti kakak gue ulang tahun yang ke-20. God. Speaking of big brother, I miss him so much. Dia belom balik sebulan lebih karena sibuk praktikum dan banyak tugas dan I miss him. I miss jamming to our favorite songs and laughing our butts off while watching Running Man. Mudah-mudahan pas gue ulang tahun nanti, lo bisa balik ya bang. My 17th birthday won't be special without your appearance at home.

Dan sekarang, yang bisa gue lakukan adalah live my high school life to the fullest di Sukabumi karena tahun depan gue udah senior dan all I wanna do is to enroll at one of colleges in Bandung or Jakarta. But it better be in Jakarta so I could finally live in my lovely hometown again :* OR maybe somewhere out of this country. Because this is what I've been planning with my friends lately :D

Hmmm I think that's all. Ga terlalu banyak bacot deh yaa kali ini. Wish you have a wonderful weekend ahead. See ya later, fellas! :)

Sunday, November 18, 2012

What Should I Be? (Part 1: Doctor?)

First of all, this post and a few posts coming up with a related theme is inspired by my best friend, Amira. I got inspired by her posts about her dreams that she wants to pursue so I decided to make posts like that too. The reasons are... first, I feel like.. I need to let it out of my brain because it's been inside my head since God knows when and I can't let it hang there everyday, it could make my crazy. Second, maybe if I write and post about it, I could sort some things out and make up my mind about everything. Maybe I could think about everything more clearly and maybe I could get some more inspirations. Anyway, all credit of the theme of this post goes to the amazing Amira Nadia Sawitri who's been my best friend since Grade 1. Love you, bestie! <3 p="p">
So, here it is!

I'm a junior now in high school and I know what it means... I have to think about what college I want to go in the future, what I want to be in the future... basically every little thing that involves around college-talk. I used to have this talk like every night with my family but the more they bring up this subject every time we talk, the more I want to sit in the corner and just disappear from this world. I used to have everything I wanted clear inside my head, but now, I don't. Now, things like that get blurry. It's like the more I know about something that involves around college, the more I'm confused about what I should be in the future.

When I was still a kid, I wanted to be a doctor so bad. Well, I think that happens to everyone, doesn't it? Everyone when they're still a kid always dreams of being a doctor. But it changed when they get older. Well that doesn't change for me until I was a freshman in high school. I continued to dream of becoming a doctor, but it got harder everyday. I know that if I want to be a doctor, I should at least be 'friends' with Biology which is totally not my thing. I used to force myself to like Biology but it didn't work. I studied very hard when the exam came but still I got bad scores haha.

I used to work very hard for my Dad's sake because he's been telling me to not give up easily and motivated me but that didn't work. He kept telling me to not give up easily and to work harder than I already was. And I did it. I did it for him, Mom, my brother, and people around me. But somehow it didn't work for me, even after I used my family to be my motivation. Gosh. What happened to me?

In the end, I slowly stopped dreaming of becoming a doctor because I realize I'm not good enough to be one of them. Maybe, God has another plan for me and me becoming a doctor isn't one of His lists. Well, I had tried and worked very hard for it, right? I mean, it's not like I didn't do anything at all to pursue that. So I think, becoming a doctor isn't the thing I want to be in the future anymore.